Success Succeeds
"We are what we repeatedly do." - Aristotle
If I came across a blog like this last year when I was in grip of my findom problem, I'd be resigned and cynical before I read the first word. Who does this guy think he is giving me advice? My fetish is worse, unique, sick, beyond hope. Every line would be examined for some idea some flaw that would confirm my defeatism. Hope to overcome the fetish had become a burden. Again and again I had roused myself, given everything I had to beat this, and it left me stranded right back on same spot I started. In fact, every time I tried I ended up with so much pent up need to do findom I'd fail spectacularly and end up with more shame, less money and thoroughly convinced I could no more get rid of these urges than i could change my DNA. Anger is easy. Depression is easy. Lifting myself up, looking the problem in the eye, squaring up- fighting again- that seemed impossible. I'd read this blog mostly hoping it would not make me try again. scouring it for an excuse to ignore it, resenting it if I could not find the psychological exit door
Over the past year I've tried to help many subs. Each time when I could not offer them a cure within two sentences they lost interests. Some placated me. Some were angry. Some simply ignored me. I know how it feels to be so dispirited. For years, in some cases decades, this fetish has been developing and embedding itself deep within my/your psyche. There will never be a sentence, a revelation or a quick remedy that will quickly excise this from your nature.
Can subs change? Isn't sexuality fixed? Isn't it just part of our nature now?
There is no submissive gene or findom gene. Biological determinism does not compel you to crawl up into someone's dms and beg to pay her bf's dinner tab. People often confuse what is their nature with what is habituation. 90% of our actions are patterned responses, behavior rooted by repetition. What we assume is an innate reflex can fade away with the development a new habit.
Success Succeeds is something my dad has told me throughout my life. By extension failure fails. When you see your work is creating real gains you are more likely not only to maintain your progress but seek out new ways to build on it. Fear of losing hard earned gains is a strong motivator to not to relapse. Habits not acted on eventually become less compelling, easier to resist and eventually not relatable. It is harder to initiate reasonable lifestyle changes than it is to maintain them.
So to start make just one change that will take away a something that triggers your findom urges. This small change will be an impetus that will create greater changes later on.
Examples would be:
If you're on twitter unfollow a few accounts, not your favorites but dommes who sometimes get a reaction out of you.
Put your credit cards in a distant room; in a place that is a hassle to get to.
If you are a member of a cam site, stop getting notifications when your favorite models are on.
Set off some positive momentum.
If I came across a blog like this last year when I was in grip of my findom problem, I'd be resigned and cynical before I read the first word. Who does this guy think he is giving me advice? My fetish is worse, unique, sick, beyond hope. Every line would be examined for some idea some flaw that would confirm my defeatism. Hope to overcome the fetish had become a burden. Again and again I had roused myself, given everything I had to beat this, and it left me stranded right back on same spot I started. In fact, every time I tried I ended up with so much pent up need to do findom I'd fail spectacularly and end up with more shame, less money and thoroughly convinced I could no more get rid of these urges than i could change my DNA. Anger is easy. Depression is easy. Lifting myself up, looking the problem in the eye, squaring up- fighting again- that seemed impossible. I'd read this blog mostly hoping it would not make me try again. scouring it for an excuse to ignore it, resenting it if I could not find the psychological exit door
Over the past year I've tried to help many subs. Each time when I could not offer them a cure within two sentences they lost interests. Some placated me. Some were angry. Some simply ignored me. I know how it feels to be so dispirited. For years, in some cases decades, this fetish has been developing and embedding itself deep within my/your psyche. There will never be a sentence, a revelation or a quick remedy that will quickly excise this from your nature.
Can subs change? Isn't sexuality fixed? Isn't it just part of our nature now?
There is no submissive gene or findom gene. Biological determinism does not compel you to crawl up into someone's dms and beg to pay her bf's dinner tab. People often confuse what is their nature with what is habituation. 90% of our actions are patterned responses, behavior rooted by repetition. What we assume is an innate reflex can fade away with the development a new habit.
Success Succeeds is something my dad has told me throughout my life. By extension failure fails. When you see your work is creating real gains you are more likely not only to maintain your progress but seek out new ways to build on it. Fear of losing hard earned gains is a strong motivator to not to relapse. Habits not acted on eventually become less compelling, easier to resist and eventually not relatable. It is harder to initiate reasonable lifestyle changes than it is to maintain them.
So to start make just one change that will take away a something that triggers your findom urges. This small change will be an impetus that will create greater changes later on.
Examples would be:
If you're on twitter unfollow a few accounts, not your favorites but dommes who sometimes get a reaction out of you.
Put your credit cards in a distant room; in a place that is a hassle to get to.
If you are a member of a cam site, stop getting notifications when your favorite models are on.
Set off some positive momentum.
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