The Enemy
"We have met the enemy and he is us." - Walt Kelly
Last week I wrote about the need to take some sort of practical initiative to gain control of this fetish. The second you actually believe effective change is self generated, that you are not a helpless victim to your urges, is when the intervention is real and the fetish's grip starts to loosen.
I got better thru a gradual sense of agency. Findom was an existential problem but I could not make any progress until I took full responsibility for it. It's why I believe hating dommes is self defeating. By making them the face of your problems and blaming them for everything you've lost and will lose, you are trying to avoid taking an honest, full on look at yourself and starting the work you need to do to improve. Hating dommes and quitting findom completely just on sheer will power are impulse strategies, borne out of panic and overwhelming shame that reduces you reacting ignorantly and ensures that you will fail and ultimately will learn to stop fighting.
The enemy is the underlying unrelenting impulses to get that submissive high, to feel the euphoric horror of having your defenses fall away, having a masochistic rush of intense pleasure that's dependent on giving up much or all of your paycheck and savings. It's the enemy because a high this intense being tied to the cannibalization your own financial security will either be a constant threat to your status quo or actually leave your life with little or without anything of value.
This week I saw a sub attacking dommes with the argument that dommes are like bartenders breaking into AA meetings and putting drinks in their faces. From my perspective it's more like an alcoholic screaming at the alcohol instead of dealing with strategies to cope and derail the addiction to it. Logging into your twitter account that is following 400 dommes is not them pursuing you. You made the choice to be pursued and then blamed them for being caught.
Last week I wrote about the need to take some sort of practical initiative to gain control of this fetish. The second you actually believe effective change is self generated, that you are not a helpless victim to your urges, is when the intervention is real and the fetish's grip starts to loosen.
I got better thru a gradual sense of agency. Findom was an existential problem but I could not make any progress until I took full responsibility for it. It's why I believe hating dommes is self defeating. By making them the face of your problems and blaming them for everything you've lost and will lose, you are trying to avoid taking an honest, full on look at yourself and starting the work you need to do to improve. Hating dommes and quitting findom completely just on sheer will power are impulse strategies, borne out of panic and overwhelming shame that reduces you reacting ignorantly and ensures that you will fail and ultimately will learn to stop fighting.
The enemy is the underlying unrelenting impulses to get that submissive high, to feel the euphoric horror of having your defenses fall away, having a masochistic rush of intense pleasure that's dependent on giving up much or all of your paycheck and savings. It's the enemy because a high this intense being tied to the cannibalization your own financial security will either be a constant threat to your status quo or actually leave your life with little or without anything of value.
This week I saw a sub attacking dommes with the argument that dommes are like bartenders breaking into AA meetings and putting drinks in their faces. From my perspective it's more like an alcoholic screaming at the alcohol instead of dealing with strategies to cope and derail the addiction to it. Logging into your twitter account that is following 400 dommes is not them pursuing you. You made the choice to be pursued and then blamed them for being caught.
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