Getting control of Findom

 "We have met the enemy and he is us." - Walt Kelly   Last week I wrote about the need to take some sort of practical initiative to gain control of this fetish.  The second you actually believe effective change is self generated, that you are not a helpless victim to your urges, is when the intervention is real and the fetish's grip starts to loosen.   I got better thru a gradual sense of agency.  Findom was an existential problem but I could not make any progress until I took full responsibility for it.  It's why I believe hating dommes is self defeating.  By making them the face of your problems and blaming them for everything you've lost and will lose, you are trying to avoid taking an honest, full on look at yourself and starting the work you need to do to improve.  Hating dommes and quitting findom completely just on sheer will power are impulse strategies, borne out of panic and overwhelming shame that reduces you reacting ignorant...

  "We are what we repeatedly do."  - Aristotle   If I came across a blog like this last year when I was in grip of my findom problem, I'd be resigned and cynical before I read the first word.  Who does this guy think he is giving me advice?  My fetish is worse, unique, sick, beyond hope.  Every line would be examined for some idea some flaw that would confirm my defeatism. Hope to overcome the fetish had become a burden.  Again and again I had roused myself, given everything I had to beat this, and it left me stranded right back on same spot I started.  In fact, every time I tried I ended up with so much pent up need to do findom I'd fail spectacularly and end up with more shame, less money and thoroughly convinced I could no more get rid of these urges than i could change my DNA. Anger is easy.  Depression is easy.  Lifting myself up, looking the problem in the eye, squaring up- fighting again- that seemed impossible. I'd read this b...

  I'm going to post here once a week until I feel like everything I learned over the past year, everything that could be of value to other subs is up here.   What struck me one day as I was descending in a post session depression, a portion of my savings no longer mine, was how my submissiveness had changed.  It began as a thrill at being called names, then I moved on to tease and denial, then to humiliation, to recreational findom, and finally the constant urge to be financially destroyed.   Dommes were everywhere, more every day, but they were only interested in findom.  Humiliation was work for them, time consuming, weird, and soon most the dommes I was dealing with were grooming me to get into findom. I always had money.  BDSM teaches you a lot about yourself.  A lot of my pride was based on my money and giving women a decent amount of it got a reaction out of me.  I felt like I was shrinking in front of them and the certainty that I was e...